I went to him last week because the pain has gotten unbearable. He ordered an ultrasound to be done. Lucky for him he has an ultrasound tech in office to do this. Unlucky for me, she wasn't in that day. Had to go back on Monday. Here we go.
On Monday I go into the office. I am greeted by a cute girl behind the counter. I sign in, and as soon as my butt hits the leather chair she opens the door and calls me back. In my head I am thinking, "There is no way this girl is going to do this procedure right?" UMMM ya she was. Now let me give you a little visual of this girl, and I say girl cause personally I don't think she could have been a minute over 18. perhaps a Dogie Howser? Maybe. So she is ADORABLE. She doesn't weigh more than 105 so I automatically hate her. She has long bleach blond hair pulled back in a messy pony. You know the kind, it looks like she just rolled in off the beach but in reality she spent 45 minutes on it. She has a tattoo on the back of her neck that I can't read cause it's in French (of course it's in French) She has rings and bracelets on, and somehow her scrubs look like a prom dress. She is so adorable. I hate her. So she asks me to pull my britches down to my hips. In my head I hear "Pull your mom jeans down past your fat roll please" UMMM sure Barbie, I can do that. So she squirts the goo on my fat roll, she applies the Doppler and immediately asks me where my uterus went. Really?? Look at my chart. I kindly tell her that he removed it 3 years ago. She looked relieved. What did she think? That it fell out? That a Zombie took it in my sleep? So she searches around looking for the left ovary. She then says to me "Hmmmm I can't find it. Are you sure you still have it?" Yes sweetheart I am sure I still have it. Then I start to panic. Since it isn't attached to anything anymore is it possible that it could just be floating freely around my body? Like maybe one day its visiting up north near my lungs, next week it travels down to my leg?? Is that possible? I hope not. That's gross. So she wipes the goo off my fat roll and tells me I can button up, what I hear... "pull the mom jeans up over that disgusting fat roll now please." She tells me she is sending me to the imaging center for a "more in depth scan" Translation... "I am far to young, blond, and adorable to be able to do this job so I'm sending you to someone older and uglier to do it." As she is filling out the order for me to take to the imaging center I notice her finger nails. She had a French manicure. But not a pretty, sweet, soft one. The tips were lime green glitter!! The line across wasn't just a painted line, it was encrusted with diamonds!! On every nail!! Except the ring fingers of course, those had diamond bows on them. BOWS!!! They were to most gaudy, juvenile nails I have ever seen. We just had a birthday party for my two little girls and they received a Hello Kitty nail set. The Hello Kitty nails meant for my 7 & 8 year olds look DULL compared to this girl. As she is filling out the paperwork she says this. And I quote "So I can't find the ovary, which is probably a good thing. It probably means that there is nothing wrong." I wanted to say to her "Really, you want me to take your word for it? You have nails that would make my 7 & 8 year olds jealous. How on earth do you expect me to trust you?" I wish I could have gotten a picture of them, but I didn't. I did however scower the internet to find a close second. This is as good as I could find...
Ok end rant on the Hello Kitty Barbie that did my scan on Monday. She was sweet, but really? Not my first choice in a medical profession.
~Alter Ego #1
